tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
