i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
