he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
