A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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