pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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