Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
