I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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