The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
