I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
