My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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