girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm too high and old for this...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
