she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
