I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
