Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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