Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
