I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
