It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
