why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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