I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
