cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
