I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
