She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
