can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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