Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
