i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
