What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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