someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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