Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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