i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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