Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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