I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
