you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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