If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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