Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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