so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
