Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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