Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
