Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
