i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
