i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
