I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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