did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
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sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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