this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
