I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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