No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
