I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
