Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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