I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
