Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
