you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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