Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
