What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize