I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dignity is for republicans.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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