Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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