TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
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She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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