I smell stomach acid.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
