i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
