you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
