I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
