I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
