I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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