There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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