i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
