if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
