you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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