I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
