White coat. Heels.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
