I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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