My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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