OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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