I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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