Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
