omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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