Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
