i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
